by STUEY THE DRAGON
Every day, I go by unnoticed and invisible, but there is an upcoming event where it would be okay for me to make more of a statement and be noticed. For one night, I just want everyone to acknowledge me, I know that sounds selfish and dumb, but I just want to be hot. But since I never dress up, I don’t know if I should or not. What if I’m not good at it? Stuey, what’s good?
If you want to make yourself noticed, do it. You should allow yourself to be fabulous, especially if the situation calls for it. As for fearing your fashion sense, just Pinterest it up. Everything in style right now is definitely on Pinterest, for any (and every) occasion imaginable. And there is nothing selfish or dumb for wanting to have some attention for one night. Go slay the competition, baby; I believe in you.
I need to pull an all nighter. What is the best way to go about doing this? Help me Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Triple Swag,
Grab yourself about ten of your favorite caffeinated beverage and some good tunes to dance break to, because you are in for a long night. Every 45 minutes to an hour, you need to get up and give your eyes a break; listen to some music as you hop around like a bunny or dance (I suggest interpretive dancing to “Hello” by Adele for obvious reasons). But just stay focused, the sooner you finish the sooner you can get some sleep! Best of luck to you, fam, you got this.
I have a major issue. I recently fell into a major addiction that I cannot get out of. This issue is truly affecting my relationships and causing a rift between me and my friends. No one wants to be around me because they do not want to get addicted, as well. I honestly do not know what to do. How do I stop listening to “Hello” by Adele? Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Fellow Adele Lover,
If people have a problem with you listening to one of the most iconic pieces of musical artistry since Britney Spears’ “Oops I Did It Again,” then they are not your real friends. Real friends will love, adore, and sing along by your side. But just in case, try using some headphones.
I am beginning to develop seriously bad eating habits. I am a very picky eater and it is very hard for me to find food to eat in the cafeteria. I have lost a lot of weight and am starting to get worried. Stuey, what’s good?
This is a completely normal problem to have. Many people new to this campus, or any college campus have a similar issue when it comes to food. The best advice I can give you is to stock up on some cheap, easy meals in your dorm. Easy Mac and Top Ramen are lifesavers. Then whenever you do go in the caf, just try some new foods: you never know what you will like. If anything, there is always pizza and applesauce.
I have this kind of great but really stupid idea. Should I do it for the Vine? Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Vine Famous,
by NICOLE BEARD
You and I spiral
Gliding and sailing
On a gust
Brushing and creating friction
You and I falling
Shoving me away with a will unnatural and callous
Holes have been chewed into the face of me
And devouring what you want
Fresh and supple when we started
My warty underside becomes food, but never satisfies thy hunger
Now you are ravenous, are you not
More and more you take, less and less I give
Crushed and disregarded
I'm lost among the faceless
by STUEY THE DRAGON
My housemates are constantly making comments about the girls I bring over. They believe that guys and girls cannot be just friends and I am always making a move on these women. How do I stop my housemates from thinking I am a huge player? Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Not a Player,
First off, if your housemates do not believe that guys and girls can be friends then you need to officially welcome them to the year 2015. If they still give you problems and stand by the fact that you are forcing yourself upon these women, then you should tell them to mind their own business. Let’s be honest, if people are constantly belittling you about this situation, they are below your level of intelligence and need to mature. Try finding a different spot to hang out that is void of this simple-minded negligence.
So the people I share a wall with always have girls over. The noises are always violent and the girls complain of falling off the bed. I’m not sure if what they are hosting is Fight Club or Title IX. And I can’t ask because of the first rule of Fight Club. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Fight Club > Title IX,
I’m going to assume it’s Fight Club since I really don’t see a situation where an unwilling girl would ever be in a position to fall off the bed.
I really like this girl, she’s incredibly beautiful and smart and sweet and funny and basically perfect. The only problem is that she likes country music. And not just any country music, because I can handle Cash just fine, and Chesney if I must. The problem is that she likes country rap. Did you know the acronym for this is literally CRAP? Country rap = c-rap = crap. I just don’t know if I can date her if I have to listen to Colt Ford rap another verse of country girls serving chicken and biscuits. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Sick of Her CRAP,
Get in your car, drive to Canada, in the orange corner store 37 minutes outside of Ontario you will meet a guy named Sam. Sam will give you your new identity and tickets to England. You will be safe in the UK, there is no CRAP there. But honestly, you need to get out of that before you find yourself humming Florida Georgia Line (the gateway country drug to CRAP). Nobody deserves that kind of disgusting nonsense in their life. Save yourself. No person is worth that CRAP.
by NICOLE BEARD
A bird caged
Is a flight unflown
Icarus doth fly too close
But what of those that fly not at all
Paralyzed by sharp tongues and iron-bent hands
Nothing stands in their way
Yet they remain dormant
Dashed of fear and freedom
Still they drown in their stagnation
by RAKAN ALZEER
translated by NICOLE BEARD
by NICK BUCHANAN
So, you’re gay, huh? Welcome to the club. Your rainbow membership card and laminated copy of the gay agenda should arrive in your mailbox sometime soon.
As you may know, coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender is not a one-time deal. Coming out for the first time releases a monstrous load of stress, but the cycle restarts when it’s time to tell a second person, a third person, and so on.
Since I first came out in September of last year, I’ve been on my very own coming out tour, hitting up nearly every one of my friends in the countryside. Each stop on the tour has been different, and through these experiences, I’ve learned that coming out is comparable to ripping off an adhesive bandage: it momentarily hurts, but it’s ultimately relieving.
I’ve also learned that there’s no right or wrong way to come out. Do it anyway you’re comfortable with. It can be as big or as small of a deal as you’d like to make it; it’s your time to shine.
Are you still closeted and ready to make your grand reveal, but don’t know how to do it? You're not alone. There are many options out there for you; check a few of them out below.
by BAILIE SCHEER
On Oct. 5, I had the opportunity to go to Akron, Ohio to attend a speech by Philip Zimbardo, a famous psychologist who performed the controversial Stanford Prison Experiment 40 years ago.
In this talk, he related his experiment with the aspects of good and evil.
by STUEY THE DRAGON
A friend of mine has recently expressed feelings for me, but I don’t feel the same way. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear I Don’t Want That,
If you don’t feel the same way, you should definitely tell your friend that you don’t have the same feelings for them. It would be unfair to both you and them to lead them on by not immediately letting them know how you feel.
But just because you don’t have romantic feelings for them, that doesn’t mean that you two can’t remain friends. Let them know that you value your friendship a lot and that you don’t want that to change. Eventually, they will probably get over you. It’s not like you’re Beyoncé.
So I said something rude about one of my friends but did not mean anything by it. She took offense. I tried to apologize, but she will not accept it. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear I’m Not Rude I Promise,
If you truly did not mean anything by your statement then you need to make sure she knows that. Explain to her what you meant and that you did not mean to be rude or offend her in any way.
If this person does not accept your apology, then that is her problem. All you can do to try and solve this issue is to continue being nice to them. Do not go out of your way to make her feel better or try to make her forgive you. If you truly did not mean to be rude, she will eventually come around.
by NICK BUCHANAN
As college students, our job choices are limited. In the summer, most of us get pushed over to minimum wage manufacturing, retail, or food service positions that nobody else desires, and let’s be honest: we take them only because it’s great to make money after we’re wiped clean by tuition.
But let’s focus on food service, an industry that originated in 18th century France as the poor started to eat food prepared by the poorer. Not much has changed since then, eh?
Out of all of the entry-level jobs we college kids are eligible for, food service is arguably the most mentally taxing. Don’t know why? You clearly haven’t worked in a restaurant. Let me just fill you in on a few things I’ve learned in my two years as a cook and waiter.