by STUEY THE DRAGON
Stuey, I honestly do not know what to do. I have been feeling so depressed lately and I have lost all interest in talking to my friends and participating in things I once loved. Everything people do nowadays just irritates me. I do not know why I have been feeling like this or what to do to help me feel better. Stuey, what’s good?
I promise you are not alone; there are people who care about you. If you feel like you want to be alone, just do that. Stay in your room and watch some Netflix. Everyone needs some time to himself to gather his thoughts. This will allow you to figure out what it is that has been bothering you. I promise you that whatever it is that is bothering you is not the end of the world. Take some time to yourself and figure out what is truly bothering you. I promise everyone will understand that you need some space for a while.
by JESSICA HOLLAN
We all know what’s coming: Christmas. And before you can dive into that boatload of Christmas presents, certain niceties must be checked off the list before you can deck those halls and leave out some milk and cookies for the big guy in the red suit. That’s right: Aunt Betty is back, baby! Just when you thought it was over, she’s lurking in the corners of the kitchen, waiting to swoop in with more nosy questions about that boyfriend you have in the CIA and your imaginary prostitution ring you told her that you’re running from your dorm room at Thanksgiving dinner. But don’t worry, we got your back.
by STUEY THE DRAGON
I have a problem where I cannot control my facial expressions when people do something stupid. I try to subtly throw shade, but people keep catching me. I don’t know how to properly throw shade and it not be completely obvious. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Sorry for my Face,
I get it, throwing shade isn’t for everyone. You cannot make it super obvious because getting caught can make everyone think you are a mean person, which may or may not be true (I don’t know you personally). If you want to learn how to throw shade, you have to practice. Start trying to hold back your facial expressions. You cannot make it too obvious that you are annoyed through your face, unless that’s what you’re going for (again, I don’t know you). Most times, a simple eye-roll is all you need to make it clear that shade has been thrown but still remain subtle. But remember, if the going gets tough, true fighters keep their RBF strong.
Christmas is coming up and all I asked for is to marry Jennifer Lawrence and for the cafeteria to serve better food. I’m not sure which I want more though. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Hungry and THIRSTY,
Since I don’t know you, I can’t really give you any insight as to which gift you should want more. But I can tell you which one is more plausible, and I think we both know what that is. Jennifer Lawrence. Like let’s be honest. The cafeteria will always be awful, but J-Law never will be.
Finals are freaking me out. Today alone, I stress ate half a bag of Hershey’s kisses. I don’t even HAVE Hershey’s kisses; I don’t even know where they came from. I don’t even know what I’m doing. Please help me. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Stress Eating,
Honey, I know where you’re coming from and may I just say, it’s okay. I understand. I blacked out and when I woke up, I was surrounded by discount Halloween candy wrappers and 20 more pounds. Finals will be done soon, and you can go home and sleep for 10 days straight. You can do this. I believe in you!
by NICOLE BEARD
The Miller Asylum, hosted by Nicholas Ditter, had a string of real live horror set up among the three floors of Miller Hall. On the first floor, you met the secretary who sat upon the vending machine. Emma Wegner dressed in a cut up and bloody shirt informs you of the terror you are about to encounter.
On the first floor was the psych ward. There, you are met by two of the nutcases that still roam the halls of Miller. Played by Ashley Dean and Dillon Mikan, these two caused the heart to shutter when they greeted you with a haunting rendition of “Ring around the Rosy” and maniacal laughter.
When you venture upstairs, you entered the child’s playroom. You were greeted by a slew of small children, played by Poetessa Worley-Harris, Nicole Beard, and Helen Shores. Each chased you through the halls, screaming and crying, “Play with us!” The three elicited your screams and caused you to run up to the last floor.