by STUEY THE DRAGON
My housemates are constantly making comments about the girls I bring over. They believe that guys and girls cannot be just friends and I am always making a move on these women. How do I stop my housemates from thinking I am a huge player? Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Not a Player,
First off, if your housemates do not believe that guys and girls can be friends then you need to officially welcome them to the year 2015. If they still give you problems and stand by the fact that you are forcing yourself upon these women, then you should tell them to mind their own business. Let’s be honest, if people are constantly belittling you about this situation, they are below your level of intelligence and need to mature. Try finding a different spot to hang out that is void of this simple-minded negligence.
So the people I share a wall with always have girls over. The noises are always violent and the girls complain of falling off the bed. I’m not sure if what they are hosting is Fight Club or Title IX. And I can’t ask because of the first rule of Fight Club. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Fight Club > Title IX,
I’m going to assume it’s Fight Club since I really don’t see a situation where an unwilling girl would ever be in a position to fall off the bed.
I really like this girl, she’s incredibly beautiful and smart and sweet and funny and basically perfect. The only problem is that she likes country music. And not just any country music, because I can handle Cash just fine, and Chesney if I must. The problem is that she likes country rap. Did you know the acronym for this is literally CRAP? Country rap = c-rap = crap. I just don’t know if I can date her if I have to listen to Colt Ford rap another verse of country girls serving chicken and biscuits. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Sick of Her CRAP,
Get in your car, drive to Canada, in the orange corner store 37 minutes outside of Ontario you will meet a guy named Sam. Sam will give you your new identity and tickets to England. You will be safe in the UK, there is no CRAP there. But honestly, you need to get out of that before you find yourself humming Florida Georgia Line (the gateway country drug to CRAP). Nobody deserves that kind of disgusting nonsense in their life. Save yourself. No person is worth that CRAP.