by STUEY THE DRAGON
I have a problem where I cannot control my facial expressions when people do something stupid. I try to subtly throw shade, but people keep catching me. I don’t know how to properly throw shade and it not be completely obvious. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Sorry for my Face,
I get it, throwing shade isn’t for everyone. You cannot make it super obvious because getting caught can make everyone think you are a mean person, which may or may not be true (I don’t know you personally). If you want to learn how to throw shade, you have to practice. Start trying to hold back your facial expressions. You cannot make it too obvious that you are annoyed through your face, unless that’s what you’re going for (again, I don’t know you). Most times, a simple eye-roll is all you need to make it clear that shade has been thrown but still remain subtle. But remember, if the going gets tough, true fighters keep their RBF strong.
Christmas is coming up and all I asked for is to marry Jennifer Lawrence and for the cafeteria to serve better food. I’m not sure which I want more though. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Hungry and THIRSTY,
Since I don’t know you, I can’t really give you any insight as to which gift you should want more. But I can tell you which one is more plausible, and I think we both know what that is. Jennifer Lawrence. Like let’s be honest. The cafeteria will always be awful, but J-Law never will be.
Finals are freaking me out. Today alone, I stress ate half a bag of Hershey’s kisses. I don’t even HAVE Hershey’s kisses; I don’t even know where they came from. I don’t even know what I’m doing. Please help me. Stuey, what’s good?
Dear Stress Eating,
Honey, I know where you’re coming from and may I just say, it’s okay. I understand. I blacked out and when I woke up, I was surrounded by discount Halloween candy wrappers and 20 more pounds. Finals will be done soon, and you can go home and sleep for 10 days straight. You can do this. I believe in you!